How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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