Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
