how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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