We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
