And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
