my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
