im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
