I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
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