Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Randomize
