he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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