So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
you traded sex for a burrito?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize