we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
