He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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