Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
