My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I love having hate sex.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
