worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
