There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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