if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
