if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
