I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
