I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
