ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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