My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize