is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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