I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
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Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
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You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
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