Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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