You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
it was like eating out sand paper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize