Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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