Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
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