A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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