Nicole vs. Life
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
