shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
