She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
