Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
