When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
