White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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