Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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