careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
