No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
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are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
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