she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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