My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
