You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
