the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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