Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize