Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
