this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
