i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
