So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
