she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
