giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
