I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize
