I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
