i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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