so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
