therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
