Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
