Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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