Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
