I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
