i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
