I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize