I feel like I'm in dance class right now
If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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