You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
