Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
