wat bout pragnant strippers??
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
