My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
