So many bounce houses so little time
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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