she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
