Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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