question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Randomize
