I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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