Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
