this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
