Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
