drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
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