her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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