The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I supernannyed him into submission
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
